No rest and no energy makes Kathleen a grumpy face...

The last week has been crazy!

I got to see my precious nieces and nephew on Tuesday when I went with my mother to drop my nephew off (he spent a few days at my mom's). They are precious little ones. However, that was my last day off. 

The downside to working retail is that sometimes I have a really crummy schedule. I didn't realize that I would be working seven days in a row--our schedules came out Friday, after I had gone to the late showing of Batman with my boyfriend. We had been putting it off and rescheduling and we both really wanted to see it so we elected to go to a late showing, which meant I didn't get home until very very late. I have been paying for that one!! 

When I don't rest, when I don't take care of myself, I get really grumpy. Okay so maybe "really grumpy" is an understatement. Things that I can normally deal with in a positive manner are suddenly the most irritating things under the sun. I'm short with people. I'm not kind. And I expect other people to take care of me, (I'm the youngest child so I'm guessing that's where it comes from) and when I'm not being taken care of I blame other people. I take it out on others. That's not very fair now is it?

Self-care is part of self-love. How can I love my neighbor as myself if I don't love myself? Take care of myself? Jesus often retreated by himself to pray, and I can only interpret that as Our Lord needing some time to himself to rest. Being the Son of God seems like a pretty exhausting job. Counter Manager at a department store might also involve a lot of time on my feet and dealing with the public but I'm not healing the sick and preparing myself for betrayal and sacrifice. (I hope...) Either way, it is important to find time to take care of myself so that I can be who I am called to be. 

Tuesday and Wednesday are my days off this week, so I am hoping for time to rest and get some things done around the house. I have been putting off so much due to lack of time and energy, so I am looking forward to having some time to devote to those things. I have a very exciting project I'm working on with some friends but I haven't been able to devote any time to it. Deep breath. One more day on the clock and then I'm out!

Grace & Peace

Kathleen

Reflection: Romans 7:15; or, What I Really Want To Do...

So anytime there is major upheaval in life means that you have the chance to totally change your daily routine. Sometimes this is a good thing--you can stop some bad habits and start some good ones. Sometimes it is a bad thing--changes in the amount of time you spend doing things you like decreases and you have to spend more time doing things you don't like.

Thankfully for me the recent move to Murfreesboro has meant a lot of positive changes to my routine. In fact, I'm still in that new phase of trying to figure out what I want this routine to look like. There are some things that Must Be--like I Must Leave The House At Least 20 Minutes Before Work. (Which honestly is a lot better than the Hour And 20 Minutes it used to be...) But there are other things like leisure time that I get to have a say in. If my cat had his way, I would do nothing but sit on the sofa and pet him until it was time to move the cuddlefest to my bed for the night. But Jasper does not always get his way, much to his discomfort.

How do I want to spend my mornings? How am I actually spending my mornings? What do I do when I clock out at work?

Well, I --want-- to spend my mornings on an hour long morning run/workout of some kind, then come home and either get ready for work or do some housework. (Let's face it, Housework is one of those Things That Must Be) I want to spend at least 20 minutes with a cup of coffee and the Pray As You Go Podcast (or some other devotional podcast/reading/meditation time). And eat something besides dry cereal in the car on the way to work. (BACON. mostly Bacon.)

What I actually do is sleep until 7:30 or 8, have a cup of coffee and fiddle around on the computer (and, yes, pet Jasper) until I realize it's 8:45 and I am going to have to rush to get ready for work. (this sleeping late thing works out better when I work a closing shift and don't have to be there til noon...)

When I clock out at work I usually come home, talk to the cat while I change out of my work clothes, eat something, mess around on the computer, and then oh jeez suddenly it's 10 or 11 and if I want to get up early and spend my morning the way I want to then I should have been in bed two hours ago.

Paul says it best: "I do not understand what I do. I want to do what is right but I don't do it, instead I do what I hate to do." (Romans 7:15)

Sigh. I don't really understand it either, Paul. I know how I want to live my life but we all know that knowing and doing are two very different things. Each day is a new day. That's what I keep telling myself.. no sense in beating myself up about it. Each day I get a new chance to do things the right way. Each moment, really. But it's kind of easier to start when everything else is getting started up in the morning...

It's 8:30 so I'm going to go get my laundry started... and get my running shoes out of whatever box they're still sitting in... and maybe Jasper will be okay with some head scratches after I do those dishes...

Grace & Peace,
Kathleen

go on, brush your sandals off

And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, leave that place and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.” (Mark 6:11)

Shake off your dust;
rise up, sit enthroned, Jerusalem.
Free yourself from the chains on your neck,
Daughter Zion, now a captive. (Isaiah 52:2)

Jesus gives some pretty strict instructions on how the disciples are to live when they are sent out to proclaim the Kingdom of Heaven: they are to travel light and accept the hospitality of those who will receive them. I don't know about you but I have a hard time traveling light--you should have seen how much stuff I brought back with me from Hong Kong! 

But not only are they not to carry too much stuff, Jesus also tells them to shake the dust from their feet from towns that will not receive them. In short, in places where they face problems and failure, they are to shake off the dust and move on.

It seems that negative things stick more than positive ones. We dwell on failures and regrets, on things we could have done better or shouldn't have done at all. Problems and failures are inevitable parts of our lives. If we dwell on them too much we are robbed of our joy and happiness in life, we cannot focus on our mission of healing and reconciliation; of proclaiming the Good News. If we do not shake it off, this dust piles up and weighs us down. We are captive, held down by our worries and failures, and we cannot rise up. 

Most of the time this is easier said than done. Things that happened years ago still sometimes worm their way into my mind, and I feel sad and guilty and ashamed. As I fall asleep at night, an interaction from the day will come to mind and I will feel sad that I misspoke or didn't speak up when I should have. I let someone down. I missed an opportunity to share God's loving grace with someone. But what can I do about it at 10:30 (okay, 9:30...) at night? Nothing. All I can do is cast my anxieties on the Lord and resolve to begin the next day anew. ("Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7)

May we all find the strength and courage to shake the dust off and move on from our failures so that we may walk the path of peace.

Most merciful God,
we confess that we have sinned against you
in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done,
and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.
We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,
have mercy on us and forgive us;
that we may delight in your will,
and walk in your ways,
to the glory of your Name. Amen. (BCP p.352)

Grace & Peace,

Kathleen

Settling In

Phew! It's been quite a busy few days!

I am now moved into my very own apartment in Murfreesboro! I'm just a few blocks from everything, it seems.

I have witnessed a lot of God's loving kindness and grace the last few days through several people. I'm constantly floored by it.

My mother has always been a primary source of God's love. She has loved me when I least deserved it, because that's when I needed it the most. She has loaned me her car, her gas card, her time, her energy. She's brought boxes of stuff up. She's fed me and given me things I didn't even know I needed. So thankful am I to have a mother like her!!

My Aunt, her sister, has shown me great love as well. She's 74 years old but you wouldn't think it by the way she gets around and gets after people. She's been taking care of family members her whole life. My things have been in storage up in Nashville while I was in Hong Kong, so with the help of my boyfriend Lee (who helped even though he wasn't feeling well! <3) we got the things out of storage and down to my apartment. She also bought me a new mattress!! And she cleaned my apartment while I was at work. I am so thankful to have an aunt like her! Also thankful for Lee who helped out too, and got my stuff unloaded in Murfreesboro.

Monday night I went to retrieve my cat Jasper from my friend Rita's house. When I left for Hong Kong I was distraught that I might have to give him away if I couldn't find someone to keep him for me. This cat has been a wonderful companion during some rough times, so I definitely wanted him back when I returned. Rita offered to keep him for me and has taken such good care of him. I missed him while I was gone but I knew he was in good hands. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am to her and her daughter for looking after him. He's just as playful and funny as he ever was and he snuggled up with me on my first night in the new place.

When I told my friend Liz that I needed a couch she said "Ooh let's look on craigslist!" and a few hours later she tells me she's found a great deal. She not only bought them for me, but she got her husband's truck, picked them up, and brought them to my house to unload! "Happy Birthday/Housewarming!" so now Jasper has someplace to lay around while I'm at work, and I have seating for when people come visit me. I'm so grateful for friends like Liz and the amazing love of God that shines through people like her.

Unloading the couch and loveseat meant I missed out on my friend Regina's graduation from Paul Mitchell, but she was gracious about it. I owe her a big celebration!! I'm so proud of her for this accomplishment and I know she will be great. (XOXO!) Thankful to God for new beginnings for my dear friend, and for her gracious friendship.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly host
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen!

Grace & Peace,
Kathleen

What Ails This Episcopalian

So, this article was published.

Scott Gunn and Bishop Kirk Smith have already responded to it with some facts, thank goodness.

I did a little digging on the author, though. Know thy enemy and all that. Turns out that Jay Akasie is a very Pro-Anglican (as in Traditional Faith & Values, ACNA) "Episcopalian" and this is not the first time Akasie has made slanderous and inaccurate comments about TEC.

My first response to this article is outrage. Indignant outrage. Sure, people can (and do) criticize the Episcopal Church. We can take it. But when criticism goes into false representation and slander (or I guess it would be libel since it was printed), it gets my dander up.

My second response is love. Not only should we know our enemies, but we also should love them. Clearly this person was wounded in the past by what he (or she?) saw as a beloved church breaking away from traditional faith and spirituality. Many Pro-Anglicans feel that way. I knew a man several years ago who was deeply torn by what was happening and ultimately chose to go with those who broke away. He went with his conscience and I can't fault him for that. He must go where he is spiritually nourished.

Sadly it seems that Akasie has turned this hurt into angry diatribes against TEC. It ails this Episcopalian that there is so much hurt and anger between us. After all, the mission of the Church is to bring reconciliation and healing to the world. Hopefully, God willing, someday we can reconcile with one another. For as long as this tear remains between us the Kingdom of Heaven is far away.

Jay Akasie, I pray that you find healing, hope, and love in your life. Whether it's with TEC or ACNA, I pray you are spiritually nourished and that you know you are well loved by God. And maybe, someday, you will look at that Episcopal Church Welcomes You sign and know, in your heart, that you truly are.

Grace & Peace,
Kathleen

Be It Resolved: Same Sex Blessings and Restructuring Task Force

Two resolutions have created quite a buzz at GC77:

1. A resolution approving the liturgy for the blessing of same sex unions
2. A resolution creating a task force to explore restructuring the church


The approval of the liturgy for same-sex blessings is a HUGE deal, but it is still only provisional. Bishops still have the right to say "Not In My Diocese!" and the issue will be revisited at the next GC in Salt Lake City. (Boy that will be interesting..) I sat in on the House of Bishops when it came up for debate, and was a little surprised to see my Bishop get up as the first to speak in opposition. He spoke eloquently and intelligently, and it was very plain that he opposes it for well thought out theological reasons. (Not squicky reasons...) My priest pointed out to me that our bishop has a PhD and did his dissertation on Human Sexuality, so he has much to offer in the way of intelligent debate. However, the resolution did pass in both the House of Bishops and the House of Deputies, so it will be available for use starting in advent.

The restructuring of the church has been bouncing around for a while and there were something like 90 resolutions initially proposed. Well, the committee finally agreed on one and it was unanimously approved by the House of Deputies. (Doesn't look like the House of Bishops is going to reject it.) For a more in-depth look I recommend checking out this blog. What excited me about this resolution is the intentional inclusion of people under 35--those who will inherit whatever restructured church they come up with. I am full of hope for the future of this amazing church which I am a member of!

YAF @ GC: Day 5

The last day of the Young Adult Festival at the 77th General Convention was full of hugs and goodbyes.

Phone numbers were exchanged, friend requests made, and by the time I rolled out around noon I felt both exhausted and invigorated.

In the morning I also got to sit down for a nice chat with one of my favorite Episcobloggers, the Crusty Old Dean, a big thrill for me!

On the way back I again stopped at my brother's to pick up some wine and peaches I had picked (which turned into quite an excursion since my sister in law was stranded at the car dealership where her car was being worked on...) and I made it to Nashville by about 6 o'clock. Not bad time! I am glad to be off the road though--driving for long periods of time makes me turn into an old woman. My hip gets all stiff and I can't stand up straight for a few minutes.

Today I begin moving into my new apartment in Murfreesboro (if I can get my dad's truck...) and I am SO EXCITED to not be driving soooo much and to have more of a presence. I haven't been to my home parish very much since I came back due to me being sort of homeless...

Also, I really want to get some kind of young adult thing going at the Diocesan level. Another girl from my diocese, Rachel, was also at the YAF and we are kicking around some ideas. It would be so amazing to get at least ONE thing going for young adults in the Diocese of Tennessee!!

More to come on some of the resolutions that passed since I left. It's a great time to be Episcopalian!

Grace & Peace,
Kathleen